


He Who Loves More

by kyaappucino, queen_sinnamon



Series: Cherry Gumballs [5]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Drama, Family, Hurt, I hope this breaks your hearts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 04:21:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7830259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyaappucino/pseuds/kyaappucino, https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_sinnamon/pseuds/queen_sinnamon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As much as Hakyeon would like to believe Taekwoon now, it was hard to have faith in words when evidence said otherwise. Evidence can’t lie; people can.That lipstick-stained shirt spoke volumes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Who Loves More

**Author's Note:**

> I got one question for y’alls: _Are you ready to get hurt?_ (◕‿◕)

“I’m home, Yeonnie.”

Even from the top of the stairs, with all the kids asleep and the house completely silent, Hakyeon could hear Taekwoon’s soft voice, even though he didn’t speak any louder than he usually did in front of Hakyeon. The very same voice that used to soothe him, reassure him, and whisper sweet nothings into his ear, now sounded cautious and guarded. _Guilty._ All it succeeded on doing now was to fuel Hakyeon’s hardly contained fury.

“I thought the festival ended Sunday night,” Hakyeon pretended to muse, his tone calm even as he gritted his teeth, hands propping him against the rail curled into fists, knuckles turning white. “Been a long time since Sunday, don’t you think?”

Taekwoon looked up and saw his husband gripping the rail hard, heard the dark edges without any playful banter in that voice, but instead of being worried, Taekwoon just felt very, very tired. There was something attractive about Hakyeon when he was angry, eyes that usually glowed with warmth and love burning bright with an all-consuming fire, but this just wasn’t the time. Taekwoon was spent and home-sick, and all he wanted to do now was lie down and cuddle in comfortable silence.

Taekwoon licked his lips, searching for the right words to say, ones that wouldn’t ignite Hakyeon’s temper. “Manager-nim...he managed to pull out even more artists for me to work with, and I had to introduce myself to them,” he said quietly. By the silence that followed, he knew he chose correctly, but all the same Taekwoon chose to stay where he was, at the bottom of the staircase and near the front door. He wanted to run up and embrace Hakyeon, but from the way he was gripping the rail--he thought against it. “I got my revenge though--he finally said I could go home after I confided that I wanted to buy lattes for the entire staff.”

Taekwoon thought that would at least make Hakyeon chuckle--His smiles and laughs were always so easy, it’s one of the many things Taekwoon loved about Hakyeon--but instead he could have sworn he heard teeth gritting together. “And you didn’t consider letting your _husband_ know?” The word “husband” was hissed, dripping with venom.

“I sent you a text...Didn’t you get my message?” Taekwoon brought out his phone and-- _oh, god._ There was a failed sending message notification. The message sat in the thread, the big red exclamation point beside it mocking. He was so royally screwed.

“Oh, let me guess, it didn’t send?” Hakyeon said with a dry chuckle, jaws clenched, his voice a little louder now. Hakyeon seemed determined to make this into a fight, and Taekwoon hoped the kids had gone to sleep. “Always doesn’t when it’s most convenient, does it?”

Taekwoon winced, evidently stung, and Hakyeon’s insides whirled with a mix of guilt and satisfaction. “That was one time,” was Taekwoon’s only defense, weak and pathetic as it was.

It was years ago, when they were both young and immature, but Hakyeon had forgiven him, had him promise he wouldn’t do it again, had him swear to be honest, and Taekwoon had kept his word...at least that’s what Hakyeon believed, until recently.

While he may generally be trusting, Hakyeon kept it within reason. He may trust Taekwoon with his life, but he knew the man was capable of lying to him--He had done it before, and he can do it again. And as much as Hakyeon would like to believe him now, it was hard to have faith in words when evidence said otherwise. Evidence can’t lie; people can.

That lipstick-stained shirt spoke volumes.

“If you’re going to lie, Jung Taekwoon, at least make it good,” Hakyeon said, nails digging into his palms and nearly drawing blood, jaws clenched. “I act dumb for our kids so often, maybe you’ve forgotten I’m not actually stupid!” With a huff, he turned and disappeared down the hall.

Taekwoon knew to follow him then, dropping his suitcase and dashing up the stairs. He didn’t even bother removing his shoes. Hakyeon would kill him for getting dust all over the place, but Taekwoon figured a dirty floor was an easier problem to fix than...this.

* * *

The music producer never realized how deep of a space Hakyeon had managed to carve for himself until his fans started tweeting “Oppa, your music is changing.” Taekwoon checks the last three singles and realizes that they’re right.

It was still melancholic and haunting, yes--but it was more about the joy of finding someone who understands you, and the realization that they won’t be yours because you’re too fearful of getting hurt.

The more Hakyeon and Taekwoon saw each other, the more that Hakyeon’s steady, patient love began to affect Taekwoon, more than he would ever care to admit. He remembers, over dinner, how widely Hakyeon smiled when the music producer said:

“If we become exclusive...I’ll stop dating other people altogether.” Hakyeon asked what that meant, and Taekwoon said with an amused little smile, “It means that you can get jealous, and I’ll do my best to reassure you.”

And with that, Taekwoon opened himself up to getting hurt, opened himself into the storm that was Cha Hakyeon--and prayed that he would come out of it smiling.

* * *

As soon as he stormed off to their bedroom, Hakyeon knew Taekwoon would follow.

Taekwoon would have all the words to calm him down, the arms to hold him and soothe him, make him feel loved, and Hakyeon knows he would melt as soon as Taekwoon touches him, cooes the first sweet word. He would forget what he had been angry about in the first place, bury it somewhere deep inside him, not to be found for a long time, but Hakyeon knew that if he let that happen, it would crawl back up one way or another, bigger and uglier. He would rather deal with it now, while it was young and fresh, much as he would like nothing more than to fall into his husband’s arms and melt with his kisses.

His heart clenches with such longing that it lodged in his throat and stung his eyes, and yet his entire body thrummed with fury, boiling under the surface. He wills the tears back, swallowing down his sobs, and he stands at the far end of the room, the bed they always shared now a fence keeping them apart. Arms are crossed over his chest, caging his wildly beating heart. Burying the soft, forgiving Hakyeon until he got what he needed.

A confession, that’s all. If Taekwoon would simply confess, they’d be able to work through this, Hakyeon himself would make sure of that.

He doesn’t give Taekwoon a chance to feed him excuses. As soon as the door closed behind Taekwoon, Hakyeon asks, “Who?”

Taekwoon frowns, standing just a few steps past their threshold. “What?”

Hakyeon’s teeth grit together so hard he was almost certain he had cracked one or two of them, his vision darkening at the edges and focusing on Taekwoon’s face, searching for-- He wasn’t sure what-- Guilt, something, but all he found was confusion, but Hakyeon wasn’t going to be fooled. “Who is it?” he spits, hands clutching his own arms so tightly he could feel the bruises forming. He will regret that later, he knows, but, at the moment, it’s the only thing keeping him together.

“Is it Jisoo? Is that why you chose her to-- to carry--” Hakyeon nearly choked at the word, the horrifying possibility that he had been fooled into raising, indeed _loving_ , Taekwoon’s and someone else’s son making him sick. “--Sanghyuk? Is it that Eunji? Who is it?” He shudders at the remembrance of all those nights Taekwoon came home late, or not at all, saying that he was working with Eunji at the studio when he was probably doing who knows what.

Taekwoon’s eyebrows knit together in that way of his whenever he was getting frustrated, annoyed even, and Hakyeon visibly bristled at the unfairness of it all. What right did Taekwoon have to so much as be annoyed when he was the one in the wrong? “I don’t understand you, Hakyeon,” he said, frown deepening, hands closed into fists at his sides. He had improved on his acting, Hakyeon noted bitterly.“Am I cheating, is that it? Why would you think that? You know I would never--I’ve never given you reason to--”

Fast, faster than Hakyeon knew he was capable of, he pulled the shirt out from the side table drawer and threw it at Taekwoon’s face. The lipstick-stained shirt, spreading out in mid-air so he caught sight of the red blotch again, taunting and fueling his anger, before Taekwoon caught it in his hands, eyes pinned on his husband. “Then what is that? Explain, Taekwoon, and you better make it good! ” Hakyeon said, his hands, his entire body shaking with fury, attempting to escape. He was slipping, he knew, but his heart hurt, his face felt hot, and his eyes stung, and all he could see was Taekwoon, maintaining the charade of confusion still. “What am I supposed to make of that?”

Taekwoon’s eyes flashed with recognition, and then more confusion, before he looked up at Hakyeon helplessly, as if he was the one who needed help understanding, as if he was the one who had been tricked. He shook his head, eyes darting from Hakyeon down to the shirt and back again. “Hakyeon, this isn’t--I don’t--” He licked his lips, swallowing as he searched desperately for the right words, the right excuses, whatever he could use to get out of this scott free.

But Hakyeon had no intention of letting him off. Not this time. Never again.

“Don’t what? You didn’t mean to? It was an accident? It was a one time thing?” Hakyeon barked with dry laughter, clutching at his mid, the pain nearly physical now, threatening to pull him apart and it was all he could do not to let it. “God, Taekwoon, you could’ve at least hidden it better, made sure I’d never find out, and I would have been blissfully ignorant for as long as you wanted.”

“No, Hakyeon, that’s not it, please.” Taekwoon’s words came out rushed, desperately trying to keep himself afloat, stained shirt clutched tightly in his hands as if it were his lifeline when it was what had betrayed him, poisoned Hakyeon’s heart. Then his hands dropped to sides, slack, defeated, and Taekwoon looked lost. So lost that Hakyeon wanted to reach out, cup his face in his hands, and tell him it was going to be all right, they could fix this. “I don’t know, Hakyeon. I don’t know what made this.”

“Liar!” Hakyeon hissed, and Taekwoon gasped, Hakyeon’s words a punch to his gut that stole the air in his lungs and left him reeling. And Hakyeon knew then that they couldn’t fix it, not while Taekwoon denied him the truth, denied him to understand this betrayal. “Just tell me why, Taekwoon, for heaven’s sake! You’ve already lied to me for-- for-- I don’t know how long, I don’t care anymore, just tell me the truth!” His throat hurt from yelling, and he realized then that he was shaking, so much that he had to sit on the edge of the bed or he would have fallen.

Taekwoon dropped the shirt and came to him, hands reaching out to steady him, and Hakyeon ached for his touch, his reassurance, but one look at the red stain and his own hands, once so welcoming and meeting Taekwoon’s halfway, slapped him away. “Don’t touch me!” he hissed, and Taekwoon stumbled back, running his hands through his hair if only to occupy them, to keep himself from taking Hakyeon into his arms.

“Hakyeon, please…” The last time Hakyeon had heard his husband sound so small was when he proposed to him. Taekwoon had been so afraid of being rejected, and he was just as afraid now, of what is to come, of what will become of them, their family. Hakyeon had all the power, and from that, he knew he had won.

He didn’t feel like he had.

Instead, he felt exhausted all of a sudden, his strength having left with his outburst, and all he could feel was sadness, and pain, squeezing his heart until he could hardly breathe. The hot tears he had been holding back finally spilled from his eyes and down his cheeks. “It wasn’t enough, was it?” he said, his voice broken by sobs, and he saw Taekwoon’s hands move toward him again.

Hakyeon wanted it, more than anything, but it wasn’t what he needed, not right then. “I wasn’t enough. I never was, was I?” he said, flinching away from Taekwoon. He felt cracked, one touch away from shattering. “Just tell me the truth, Taekwoon, I beg you.”

That was all he needed. Forgiveness would be easy after that. He loved Taekwoon so much he was willing to put this behind them, if he would just tell him the truth. He was even willing to let Taekwoon continue with it, if that was what he needed, if it would allow Hakyeon to still be with him, even if it would kill him everyday.

* * *

He really doesn’t like it when Hakyeon becomes jealous or angry, and wants to diffuse it as soon as possible. But when Jung Taekwoon had no idea what he did, that was the time when he hated it even more. He has the urge to embrace Hakyeon, to still the storm that was consuming his lover’s body, but Hakyeon won’t even let him come close.

Each time Taekwoon gets rejected by Hakyeon, the scars over his heart split open, bleed anew. Was Hakyeon still so unsure about his love? Taekwoon wore his wedding ring in public view, his thoughts and the very core of his being revolved around Hakyeon’s smile, his warmth, his touch. Was Taekwoon just so bad at expressing himself that his husband gave up understanding altogether?

It was as if Hakyeon was hell-bent on tearing Taekwoon apart at the seams, and because Taekwoon was in love, he did nothing to defend himself against Hakyeon’s claws. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he saw a deep red thread being severed, connected to his heart. That thought brought a new layer of sadness in Taekwoon’s eyes, and he had known that being in love would mean that he would get hurt. He had written about it, plenty of times.

But there was something different about this kind of pain. It was raw and overwhelming, threatened to suck all the air from Taekwoon’s lungs. It was the feeling that he had willingly given his entirety to Hakyeon, without a second thought--and was now being punished for it--for not being good enough for Hakyeon to choose, again and again. This was the kind of pain he didn’t want. It was the kind of pain he wouldn't wish even on his worst enemy.

He thought that maybe Hakyeon wanted to push Taekwoon away so that he could love somebody else -- his husband was very friendly, warm and open to other men in ways that Taekwoon just wasn’t. Did Hakyeon not notice the pain in the music producer’s eyes each time he had to watch dance performances where other men would paw at him? Did Hakyeon turn a blind eye each time Taekwoon looked like he wanted to punch Minhyuk in the face for pressing up against Hakyeon a little too tightly when they danced? That was one of the reasons why he’d had the red box ordered; he hoped that the contents would allow Hakyeon to understand just how much Taekwoon needed him. How much Taekwoon would always need Hakyeon.

But with the way his husband was acting now, Taekwoon had the feeling that box was going to have to be returned, along with his heart, his feelings, and his suitcase.

“Don’t you...believe that I love you anymore?” His own voice sounds broken, resigned as he murmured it into their bedroom. How could Hakyeon accuse him of lying when Taekwoon only ever brought out that dress shirt was when he was going to spend the entire day (and night) with Hakyeon? How that red mark got there, he truly had no idea, and he wasn’t about to lie just to appease the darkness in Hakyeon’s anger.

It just wasn’t worth it, to lie to the person you love.

“I want to be with you, and with our children. I chose you over everyone else. I would choose you, time and time again. But I honestly don’t know how that mark got there.” Taekwoon’s head had started to throb, his body fatigued and just not ready to prolong this fight. But he didn’t know what to do either, because he had only ever told Hakyeon the truth, and this time it looked like the truth wasn’t good enough for Hakyeon.

Taekwoon could feel the tears start to well up in his eyes--and he’d been looking forward to handing Hakyeon his present, too. The thought that Hakyeon might never get to know what was in that precious box just had him sobbing. He just couldn’t understand it--the anger, the jealousy, the fatigue of coming home after an exhausting day only to be assaulted and hurt like this, over something he didn’t even know he had done--it had him crying so hard, he ended up sinking to the floor, curling into himself at Hakyeon’s feet.

If worse comes to worse, Taekwoon thinks, as the tears spill out of his eyes and fall to the floor, he could get up and unlock the door and leave. Even the thought of leaving was enough to split Taekwoon into two. But if this was what Hakyeon needed, then Taekwoon would give it to him. He would give his husband the world if he asked for it--and if that world no longer included him, then it would be all right. That would be fine. Anything to make Hakyeon happy.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the chapter that took a really really long time. Too close to home, as I said in our blog, so...I’m really sorry about that, but I’m happy that we finally got it out.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who stuck around and continued supporting and encouraging us with this series, and this family in general. Thank you so much, and enjoy. ( ˘⌣˘)♡
> 
> I promise it gets better. ; v ;
> 
> -
> 
> Thank you for reading! ♥  
> If you enjoyed, liked, or loved this story, please let us know by leaving a comment, kudos, or a little gift to us through [here](http://paypal.me/ChaJungPiggybank)\--Please do note if it's a gift for the Cha-Jung Household. ♥
> 
> We're not requiring you to do any of that, it's completely up to you. We would just be very thankful for any and all kinds of feedback.
> 
> Have a nice day! ♥
> 
> -queen_sinnamon


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